Put a Fork In Me

I had the IEP meeting with Gabriel's school yesterday morning. They agreed to do some modifications for him this year, which is good, but really is another 'patch' on an already leaking and sinking inflatable raft.

They made it clear to me that they are doing everything they can for him, but what sucks is that he needs more.

So, Jeff and I are trying to figure out if there is an appropriate private school that Gabe can go to next fall and where, of course, we are getting the money to pay for it.

Unless someone out there knows of a merit scholarships awarded to the child with the most intricate pride of stuffed lions, we are going to have to figure out something else. (We are choosing not to go down the litigation route at this time.)

I have some good school options on my 'to tour' list, and plan on accomplishing those tours and visitations by the end of this month.

The kicker for me is that Gabriel is just MORE and MORE and MORE stressed out.

Yesterday Gabe was really looking forward to me having the IEP meeting. Actually he wanted to be in the meeting with me, but when I told him he couldn't, I told him I would give them a message. He asked me to tell them that he wanted to stop going from class to class and that he also wanted to be able to finish his work.

I told him I would ask for those things, plus the fact that I would really like him to feel like he is a better reader.

He said that he wanted to be a better writer too.

Gabriel has become much more aware of his feelings and tremendously more expressive of them since beginning the new medicine (which we have upped his dose on twice now, since it is working so well). I am proud of him for advocating for himself -- telling me what he needs to feel successful.

I think the school would prefer that Gabriel come to some sort of acceptance that he is behind, but as his mom, I feel like he has to accept a billion other things -- and I told them that -- this shouldn't be one.

Gabriel has to accept his Autism diagnosis, a life long mental illness, that he has a learning disability, that he is adopted, that his birth mother couldn't raise him, that he is in a multicultural family, that he is different in MANY ways.

I am not willing to add "academically behind" to that list when I feel like we can do something else. Or we should at least try.

I need to find another teaching method. A new system. A new cirriculum. There has to be some place that understands my kid -- understands his need for routine and quiet. Understands his need to move around. Understands he has to touch things to learn about them.

I talked with Gabriel's Psychiatrist yesterday, who I absolutely think is going to make a huge difference in our life long term, and when I asked his opinion on school settings, he pointed out that for a child with Gabriel's issues, he needs LESS STRESS. The transitions, the number of kids, the noise, all of those things come into his body as stress. And it is just more stress on a system that is already WAY OVER STRESSED. Looking at it like that -- stripped down from acronyms -- gave me a fresh perspective.

It is a wonder Gabe can't handle it, and melts into a puddle of tears, frustration and emotional pain when he gets home.

I thought of all of this, talked to Jeff, the doctor, and made up my mind that Gabriel would be changing schools (or at least that is my truest hope, but I still have to find one!), before Gabriel came home from school. But when he did, it just solidified the plan.

I walked out front and chatted with my girlfriend as we waited for the kids to get off the bus and walk the 1/2 block to our house.

Gabe walked up and said, "I had an accident."

"What happened handsome?" I asked, thinking he must have fell.

"I peed my pants at school."

I was shocked. He is almost 9 years old and hasn't had an accident in probably 4-5 years.

Is he under THAT much stress?

Apparently the answer is YES.

When we talked more about it later, he just looked at me and said, "I didn't feel it coming at all." And shrugged his shoulders.

Broke my heart.

When it was time to talk about homework, a 3 week-long book report (at least we have the time to get it done!), he began melting down crying -- again.

Tears of pain. At first, but the more he talked about his perceived injustices at school, it quickly turned to anger.

He told me he didn't finish any of his work again. That he didn't want to go to school, and quickly started DEMANDING that I find him another school.

One, in his words, where he could finish his work, stay in the same classroom and where the 'teachers cared" about him. Dagger in the heart again.

OK Gabriel, I hear you. I will. I promise.

That was it for me. He is telling me what he needs, and honestly, I have to listen.

Until Gabriel gets some new skills (social, academic, and organizational), I don't think Public School is the right place for him.

Put a fork in me: I'm done.
H

Silent Prayer for School

I wrote this last year and posted it last september as the impending school year was weighing heavily on my mind.

I have another IEP meeting this morning to attempt to rectify the problems associated with the changes from last December's IEP meeting.

IEP meetings always make me nervous. Like I can't be too prepared.

But this time, I have four years in the public school district to prepare me for advocating for my child. Today is different.

But wish me luck anyway!

H

Please let this year be successful.

Give me the strength to get through the IEP process.
Let my child qualify for everything he needs.
Let the school be on our side.
Let us work as a team.

Give me the strength to prepare my child for school each day.
Let his clothes fit just right.
Let us shoes be tight enough.
Let the bus not be so noisy.
Let the lines be short.
Let the classroom walls be nearly empty.
Let the other children not notice him chewing his backpack.

Give me the strength to reeducate and support the new teacher.
Let my child’s teacher see him the way I do—as a beautiful child who needs extra help.
Let his teacher support him by following the IEP.

Let his teacher understand SPD and HFA.
Let his teacher see our family and how important their role is in our stability.

Give me the strength to encourage my son’s social interactions.
Let the school bullies move to another district.
Let my child make a friend.
Let my child be invited to a birthday party.
Let my child have play dates this year.
Let my child feel accepted by his peers.

Give me the strength to continue to advocate for my son’s education.
Let my child love school.
Let the school love my child.
Let my child learn.
Let my child’s day be filled with fun, laughter and connection.