More Than a Bruised Ego by Michelle

By Michelle from ShesAlwaysWrite

Dog storage: the only other thing they're good for

When we first bought our house I was really excited about the fancy stairs because they look nicer than the standard layout with a landing. My husband joked that they were useless unless you needed to take Prom pictures.

Within 2 months of moving in, no fewer than 3 intelligent adults had fallen on my pretty pretty stairs.  Because it turns out a narrow, pie-shaped step is hard to walk on.  Especially with stuff like dogs and kids and laundry baskets in the mix.  (It's bad enough we reported issue to the builder and they removed the option from all future homes.)

Anyhoo, that's the long-winded way of splainin' that we hadn't lived here too long before my bouncy Shepherd facilitated a particularly dramatic incident on those poorly designed stairs.  My ankle got a nasty sprain and I smashed my knees badly on the hardwood floor when I landed.  There was lots of swelling and bruising and a general inability to walk.  Serious enough my GP sent me to the ER for x-rays.

There I was in the waiting room trying to convince my sweet, mellow husband not to disown the dog, and a nurse pulled me into a side room and started asking questions.  Starting with "do you feel safe at home?"

It was so far from my reality it took me a second to understand what she was asking.  Once I did - and convinced her the dog really, truly had tripped me down the steps - I couldn't get over the irony.  Because there was a time when I would have given anything for certain people in my life to have been asked that question.  In deference to privacy I can't say more.  It's just that the irony was momentarily overwhelming.

Cut to maybe 6 years later.  Bear had a routine well baby visit.  He'd been diagnosed already, so he was definitely 2.

Bruised shins of a 3 yr old sensory seeker

The nurse was doing basic physical checks and noticed his shins.  His banged up, scabbed over, perpetually bruised shins.  She ran her hand gently down his legs (presumably checking for deeper, more serious injury) while quietly murmuring "oooh, his poor little legs."

And then she gave me that look.  The same look the ER nurse gave my poor innocent husband the day I fell down the stairs.  The look that says "He's hurt and I think it's your fault."

I laughed it off and said "yep, he's my little seeker" and made small talk about boys being boys.  But I was shaken to my core.


First of all, she did not understand the reference to him being sensory seeker.  Second of all... omg this woman thought I hurt my baby.

I know there are horror stories out there, but it certainly made me wonder how common it is for SPD parents to either be suspected or even openly accused of physical abuse?

It doesn't take a genius to notice that a lot of the things a sensory seeker does to get input can result in injury.  I know I worry every single time we do the Row Row Row Your Boat song because of the way he whips up and slams down.

I'm so worried he'll injure his neck or head or brain I've restricted the activity to the squishy couch surrounded by pillows.  What medical practioner wouldn't, for instance, suspect a child who presented with an injury like that had been shaken?

What bothered me almost as much as the unspoken abuse accusation was that the nurse failed to recognize that having SPD and being a sensory seeker was a valid explanation for his bruises.  It certainly made me more determined to be an effective advocate and educator. Not only for my child, but for all children impacted by this disorder.

It feels like an incremental burden, this new knowledge that people who simply don't understand SPD will assume the worst about us as parents.  Because it's not like being judged by a NT mom at the park who thinks you shouldn't let your kid climb the slides.  Being judged by a mandated reporter opens a life-altering can of worms that could potentially devastate an innocent family.

I'm grateful to have the support and understanding of my son's doctors, and I don't think this misunderstanding will happen again for my family.  But as a parent advocate I still feel the weight of responsibility for helping educate the public about SPD.  Because ideally, we want to keep this misunderstanding from happening to any of our families.

If you are in a situation where you really do wish someone would ask if you feel safe, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE.